2017: The Year of Me

I was very forunate to have two full weeks off from work this year for the Christmas holidays, and it was spent with family, friends, and doing some soul searching.  For quite a while I have been looking for a new, positive perspective on life, and have been challenging myself to try to let go of things that are beyond my control.  For someone like me, who has high expectations of myself and my peers, this is one of the hardest parts of my day-to-day life.  It is also something that impacts me at work and outside of work, and as I read books, articles and thought more about how grateful I am for all I have during the holidays, I kept coming back to the fact that I allow my work to impact my life outside of it, including friendships, my relationship, my family and my ability to take care of myself.  Sadly, while I know that it is not okay, I admittingly have a very difficult time changing it.  

As an educator, I am incredibly passionate about what I do and the lives that I impact. I see every aspect of my role as being that of an educator, and particularly working within the field of Housing, I have seen over my career that our roles are not ever a 9-5 job.  We are one of the few departments across campuses, if not only, that supports students in their personal, career, and academic success 24 hours a day, seven days a week, including holiday breaks.  And even when we may not physically be at work, technologically many of us are often at work by checking emails, responding to text messages, and coordinating emergency response, training requirements, recruitment events, behavioural situations, and crises as they come.  Even when we are sleeping, there is always a chance that our phone may ring.  For most of us working in the field, this is why we love our jobs.  We love being available, supportive, and intentional educators who provide a student experience that creates a holistic, engaged, leaderful citizen that will hopefully one day leave our institution as an alum and do great things in the world.  That passion to instil strategies of reslience, a sense of belonging, positive relationships, and lifelong learning in our students is what gets us out of bed every morning, regardless if it is 1am to respond to a call or 7am to drive to work.  As I think about what returning to work means to me after this lovely, much needed break, I also am beginning to ask myself if I am truly at heart a hypocrite.

I have been reading The Book of Joy, thanks to my wonderful boss Natalie Allan because I wanted to end off the year finding new appreciation and perspective in life.  If you haven't read the book, I would highly recommend you do because it really has offered me a new lens.  With that, I have thought a lot about my role as an educator and what it means.  When I develop our training programs, one of the most important things that we talk about is finding balance for our staff and students, because our roles in residence are busy.  Depending on who you talk to, busy can mean you constantly need to be doing something, or it can mean that you are admitting failing in the prioritization department.  Regardless if you are overwhelmed or choosing to entertain yourself with work, a person cannot ignore their other responsibilities in the process.  So, to compensate for our staff we often try to make their job easier, take things off their plates, or help them develop skills of reslience.  We take a learning approach in hopes of helping them realize that they need to learn these skills before they leave university or college, to ensure they are successful at balancing their own personal, social, and career responsibilities in "the real world".  However, I have spent the past few days thinking about it and I'm starting to question that method of educating and learning.

By definition, learning is "the acquisition of knowledge or skills through experience, study, or by being taught" (Oxford Dictionary Online, 2016) and an educator is "a person who provides instruction or education" (Oxford Dictionary Online, 2016).  Both of these terms sound so generic and easy, but to me they mean so much more.  When I think of what student learning means to me, it is not connected to a textbook, classroom, or person lecturing at the front of the room; rather, it is providing intentional opportunities for students to grow as an individual, learn about themself and the world around them, and find an 'ah-ha' moment in everything they do.  It is about having a thirst to know more, to be better, and to experience and explore something new, including who they are and what their purpose in life is.  Learning is not just recalling information and memorizing dates, and although it may be an important part of academic curriculum,  it is not nearly as important to me as someone finding their passion, exploring their skills and strengths, and discovering how they can contribute to their communities and society in their future careers.  

I also do not consider myself solely a person who provides instruction or education.  That insinuates to me that I should be standing at the front of a room telling students what they need to know - false.  As an educator, in my eyes, I am constantly and intentionally providing opportunities and space for students to learn and grow.  I am cheering on students as they continue on their journey to find themself and their passions.  I am providing tools and skills to ensure individuals have a safety net in place to learn from their mistakes and hopefully not make them again.  I am also there to give some hard love and provide a compassionate reality check when necessary.  I meet students where they are at, and ensure that they can demonstrate the skills and knowledge they have gained to successfully apply it in the future.  I am there to listen, support, and coach through tough decisions and difficult conversations.  Perhaps most importantly, as an educator, I am there to role model behaviour, committment, loyalty, honesty, and work ethic.  

In my eyes, role modeling is one of the most influential parts of being an educator - leading people and demonstrating expectations.  While I take this responsibilitiy very seriously, it is also the very reason I find myself feeling like a hypocrite.  It is not enough for me to solely teach students about balance, by offering readings, creating workshops and offering training sessions.  It is also not helpful to always respond by minimizing a workload, when in reality, that will not always be the case with future employers.  We can talk about Millennials and Gen Z's wanting more flexibility and expecting more for less, but realistically their bosses will likely still be a generation or two ahead and not always able to accommodate.  Instead, as an educator I need to do a better job of role modeling what balance looks like so that staff and students have a better understanding of the professional world when they leave post-secondary education and have tangible examples to draw on as reslience strategies. This is particularly true for the staff I supervisor directly.

I started wondering what I am role modeling to staff and students, and then I realized that I probably am the way I am because of the many role models in the field I have had.  At the beginning of my career I had a determination and committment that was unrivaled, and I always wanted things to be done at the highest possible level.  I would put in any amount of time required to ensure things were near perfect, each student was heard, and all my administrative work was so well done it impressed even my boss's boss.  Early on in my career that was great and it certainly allowed me to build a professional brand for myself that was true, authentic and genuine to me and my love of educating. However, now that I am more established and thinking ahead to when I hope to start a family, I am questioning myself and wondering if I have not set myself up for success.  Not only are these the expectations I now have of myself, they are the expectations that colleagues have as well, but I don't think I am actually role modeling very positive practices to the students and staff around me by having them.  For example, I often stay much later than I need to at work to finish my tasks and know that I have crossed my T's and dotted my I's before leaving for the day.  To me, that demonstrates that I am a hard worker, organized, and prepared.  It also means I won't come to work stressed out about needing to finish something that is half done the next day.  However, to a staff member, it may look like I choose to spend more time at work than at home and that my family and relationships come second to my job.  A second example is when a student staff emails me at 8pm and I have responded to them by 8:05pm, to which I usually receive a follow-up email noting how quickly I responded after-hours.  To me, I think that this shows I am accommodating their schedule, meeting their need to have an immediate response, and checking an item off my to do list now as one less email to respond to in the morning.  To them, it may look like there is an expectation that I always have my phone with me and respond immediately, setting false expectations of my availability to them and suggesting I do not go home to unwind and unplug from work.

As I reflected on these concepts, it brought me back to my Residence Life Coordinator/Residence Manager/Residence Hall Director days to when I was on-call for a specific period of time, and that is what I was paid to do.  However, even in these positions you are rarely on-call for someone all day every day (although my partner did that in one job, so it is possible).  I think we become so accustomed in our field to always feeling the need to make sure everything is okay that we can't let go and appreciate the moments in life.  Our phones are usually near by, some of us respond to emails or at least read them within 10 minutes they were received, and we tend to respond to staff texts quickly so they feel supported.  That. Is. Not. Realistic. I am sadly watching some colleagues in our field becoming burnt out and moving on because as a field we have become so work focused for the benefit of our students that we forget to blink and sometimes remember that we have families, relationships, and a life to live.  And in reality, if there is an emergency, like a burning building or a medical emergency, we will be notified.  Sitting around with our phone beside us and checking it every 2 minutes, especially when we are not on call, is not healthy or helpful.  More importantly, it is not setting realistic expectations to our staff about what balance looks like and it is no wonder, in my eyes, that they struggle to do it.  We can teach it and preach it, but if we can't demonstrate it, how can we expect them to?

I love being an educator.  I love developing opportunities for students to grow, learn, and find their purpose in life, especially from a career lens.  But I have also realized that talking, teaching, coaching, supporting, encouraging, and sharing is not the same as role modeling.  I need to do a better job reminding myself that while I may feel like I need to consistently be available to students, staff and peers, they can likely wait until the next morning for me to respond to an email or a text if it means I get to appreciate more moments with my friends and family.  I also need to be conscious of how I spend my time, because I can't expect them to role model balance if they see me working 10 hours a day and think that is acceptable or the expectation, when I should be going home to take care of myself and my relationships.

Over the past few days my perspective has changed, and I am committed to challenging myself to make 2017 the year of me, the year of prioritzing, and the year of practicing what I preach.  I am devoted to making a change to be a better role model by letting things go that are out of my control and reminding myself that there are learners watching.  You can't be an educator without educating, and you can't do that without influencing others. I personally can't do either of those without being more intentional about my own actions, values, beliefs, and effort.  Challenge accepted.  2017 starts now - the year of me.